test.jpg (This is [from] CNN)

There is something very comforting about the academic calendar.  You know when it begins, when it ends, and which weeks are going to be full of tests (usually).  This week (midterms-a-go-go), I have plenty of tests; this afternoon was the Battle Royale with Syntax.  On the whole, I think it went pretty well.  That said, I was walking to my next class and while I was outside, in transit, I realized I’d made a mistake on one of my trees.  I hissed “Dammit!”  It was a foolish mistake; I even thought there was something funky about the tree.  I erased that section of it, and redid it in exactly the same way, because I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong.  The irony was that I needed to draw two trees for that sentence and the other one was correct (or at least I assume it was correct).  However, what was done was done.  I couldn’t go back into the class, grab my paper back and fix it.  I have to console myself with the fact that I do know how it was supposed to be treed.

After an exam, I like to stop thinking about it.  I’m not one of those people who goes through their notes or texts, checking up on my answers.  It doesn’t make any sense to do that – you can drive yourself crazy with it, and you are relying on your(imperfect) memory of both the questions and answers.

It is the tests in the “real world” that I am having issues with these days.  I’ve been melancholy lately, and it is starting to cause me actual discomfort (not sleeping well, eating chocolate when I shouldn’t, being more melancholy because I’m not sleeping well, being more melancholy because I’m eating chocolate when I shouldn’t….).  I realize that it isn’t the end of the world – if I can maintain my natural stubbornness (I will not give in to bad habits and self pity) and maintain a forward motion, I’ll be fine (eventually).  But, unlike Syntax, I really can’t study for this test.  Unlike Syntax, I will not be assigned a grade, so there is no quantitative way of knowing how well I did.  That is probably one of the reasons I enjoy school so much – you know when “this too shall pass,” and you know how well you did when it passes.  In the outside world, there is no report card, no Dean’s List; just temporary happiness and sadness.

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