Another beautiful day today, although I was bound and determined to get caught up on homework.  I was successful, but it took most of the day.  I might try to work in a little GRE practice (six days left).  Some things I absolutely, positively must do this week:  keep up on Rousseau; finish, by hook or crook, the Lacan essay (which makes Rousseau seem like an issue of People); the syntax homework (which is actually going well – I get it! I get it!); and the first draft of my paper for my modern French lit class, which I believe will be on the characters’ use of mirrors to form a community in Ourika and La Vagabonde, God willing.  And, with the free time I’d like to believe I’ll have left, get some more GRE practice in, do a load of laundry, and keep up with my 20 minutes daily cleaning (which, truth be told, is not happening every day – but I’m not ready to give up yet).  So, it does seem I might be frittering away precious time by writing tonight.  But you know what?  I do not give a rat’s ass.  Sometimes, I need to sort out my thoughts, before they pester me to within an inch of my life.

I did not (thankfully) have a nightmare about Jonestown.  In fact, I did not have a nightmare at all; a weird, confused dream, but nothing disturbing.  Although I’ve had a feeling all weekend that I wish would go away.  It is an acute awareness of my past – the good, the bad and the shameful.  I don’t care for those feelings – after all, the past is the past, and I would rather it stayed there.  Those who forget the past may be doomed to repeat it, but I could stand to forget it a little more.

One of the things I have noticed, being back at school, is that sometimes you get repeats of certain topics.  Obviously, this gets truer the deeper you delve into a subject.  For example, in Sociolinguistics we’ve been studying historical linguistics; which is similar to what we do in my Romance Linguistics, although we’ve been working on non-Romance languages in Sociolinguistics.  Except for the homework I did today – which was the syntactic change of the past tense in Spanish.  What have we been covering in Romance Linguistics?  You’ve got it – the development of certain tenses in the Romance Languages.  So I had a sense of déjà vu (hey! past participle!) as I was doing the assignment.  There are parallels to be made between the formation of the past tense and the formation of a past, but I don’t feel like making them right now.  Suffice it to say that we are always reinventing the past – whether it is a tense or just the crap that happens to us day after day.  And quite frankly, parts of my past are making me cranky.  I think that’s why I’m so anxious to leave the country; maybe most of that junk can stay behind and I can feel freer than I have in months.

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