I have been laid low by midterms and just general exhaustion.  I had to leak out on KSP, who understood (of course), but even after all the sleeping, I am still exhausted.  After Hated Job, I went to the library and studied for several hours.  I went home and decided to take a break (although the studying still calls me).  I suppose I could have dinked around with YouTube or something similar, but instead…

…I started my grad school applications in earnest.  Which I should have gotten on a little sooner, but truth be told, I just did the easy stuff (biographical information, test scores, GPA, etc).  I still need to draft my personal statements, figure out my writing samples, hit up professors for recommendations….

…again, all the things I really need to get on the stick about, as Stanford (the first deadline on the list) wants all this crap 8 weeks from Tuesday.  And then Northwestern and Berkeley; fortunately, Washington and Texas at least have the decency to wait until after the holidays to say, “gimme.”  But I’ve got to factor in all the time I’m going to spend doing all my work for this semester (which still has to match my “kick ass and take names” standards).  Plus, I’m guessing that all these kindly professors who (hopefully) want to sing my praises have many other things on their respective plates.  For example, turning me slowly insane with the seemingly impenetrable nature of Phonology.

It was a lot easier when I was just preparing to prepare to apply to grad school, with my comical lists and whatnot.  But now that I’m here, ready to leap into the unknown, I’ve got to tell you, I’m more than a little nervous.  But what can I do?  I have to move on, and just because failure is always a possibility, that’s no excuse to not lay it all on the line.  It is also true that just because I’ve set up my electronic applications, that doesn’t mean I don’t have the potential to shoot myself in the foot.  But that’s an underachiever’s trick, and I’m no longer the Junior Junior (who was an underachiever of great underachievements), I am (God help me) the Senior Senior, and I am truly an ambitious pain in the ass.

So yeah, the chances for failure are there.  But I’ll be damned if I fail by inaction.

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