Last night at work, I have to admit there was a point where I was getting annoyed with myself.  It was buried under getting annoyed with Phonology, Phonetics, French history and whatever else was annoying me (and believe me, that was plenty).  There was a point, where I kept talking and talking, and I could feel my voice getting tenser and tenser (and thus higher and higher).  I’m a nervous talker, in that the more jittery I am, the more crap comes out of my mouth.  The effect would best be described as being a human squirrel.  In the back of my mind, a small voice (which fortunately, has always given me good advice, even if I don’t always take it) said, “for the love of God, shut up.”  Sadly, I may not have heeded that voice in time, as I have the distinct impression that I was talking too much.

I really didn’t think too deeply about it on the way home last night, I merely felt, in the back of my mind, that I was behaving in a way that was almost a parody of my ordinarily tolerable characteristics (quick-witted, raconteur, etc.).  I had other fish to fry, if I may get all cliché-y.

This morning, after the third day in a row of early-morning potty-mouth (BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP! “Shit.”), I got ready to go to work, as I always do on Fridays.  In transit (bus epiphany alert), I realized that I was merely cracking under the stress – I could only take so much, before my personality started to show the signs of strain.  Of course, the damage has already been done.  I suppose I could send a mass e-mail to everyone who had to deal with my acute case of nerviness (as opposed to my chronic case of nerdiness), but that would merely draw more attention to my weird behavior.  The truth is that I suspect people (if they thought about it at all) just thought I seemed a little “off” the past few days.

Now that I’ve identified the problem, I hope I can tackle it in a proactive fashion.  Because I’ve got another 4 weeks to go, and I don’t want to relapse into squirrel-like behavior.  I may end up in a diorama at a funeral home, and that’s not very dignified.

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