I am pretending to work on my personal statements for my grad school applications, but I have a lack of motivation, mostly because writing roughly 1,000 words on how awesome I am and how I’d be a way better choice for any given school than those other losers (I realize that isn’t really what they’re asking, but that is kind of the purpose of these damn things).  I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with something; I should do so soon.  I asked GSS if he would be willing to give me some pointers (as he has successfully done this before), and he’s asked me a couple of times if I have them ready yet.  Which of course, I don’t.

I was going to work on them this weekend, but napped and ate pie and worked on my presentation for my scary grad class (which was today, and despite the fact that I had the theme from Goldfinger stuck in my head all day, I managed to do a reasonably decent job on the damn thing [or so I hope]).  Tonight is a better night for it, as I have only this one task scheduled (actually, I was going to write an outline for a paper due finals week, but I decided it can wait a few days – I’m starting to thumb my nose at The Grid, which is a recipe for disaster).

I did take a break yesterday, and hung out with KSP for coffee and chit-chat.  I recounted my tale of woe about the student with the inappropriate crush on me, and mentioned that the young man from the Glame Adventures in Flirting story had friended me on Facebook.  Now, I am a veritable antique, even so I realize that just because the guy friended me doesn’t mean that he’s pining for me.  But I do think, in the context of our work friendship, that he may have a (little) thing for me.  As I said, both to KSP and in the relevant post, that it is a little maddening; I am one lazy, lazy woman, and it would be much easier if I liked him more than I liked GSS, as GSS seems both ambivalent and behaves in an ambiguous manner (probably due to the ambivalence).  But that isn’t how it works.  Plus, while the Young Man is no fetus, I feel pretty damn old in comparison (it is a marked age difference).  All the same, he is pretty cute – and it is nice to get that kind of positive reinforcement (which is less fraught than the situation with the student, so I can enjoy it more).  All this KSP and I discussed over coffee.  And of course, being a Facebook junkie, during one of her many daily voyages to Facebook, she may have lurked, and I may have asked her opinion.

And this is the thing – if I was 100% not interested, I never would have asked for her opinion.  That much is obvious.  So what, I beseech you, does this mean?  I don’t know.  It might have no more significance than, “hey, cool – some cute guy I know seems to like me.”  But it can also mean, “I’m bored, and the guy I really am interested in doesn’t seem to be paying enough attention to me.  I want validation, dammit!”  Which doesn’t make me a terrible person, it makes me human.  And considering earlier this year, I was eating my heart out over a failed relationship and feeling like a) no one was ever going to be interested in me and b) I was never going to be interested in anyone else, it is a boon to my emotional well-being.

Wow, this post is almost as long as a personal statement for grad school.  Somehow, I don’t think it’s what Stanford is looking for.

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