I have been annoyed for the past few days.  Actually, if you want to get technical, I’ve been annoyed for the past few decades, but that’s neither here nor there.  After 15 weeks of stellar health, I get felled by a cold at the start of finals week.  Actually, as I worked through my Phonology final, I felt my head fill up with goo – almost as if it were an outtake from some sci-fi movie.  Tuesday was practically shot to hell, as I felt so damn miserable, I couldn’t even nap.  Fortunately, I didn’t have to be anywhere Tuesday, though I have a big project due on Friday (which, thankfully, is almost done).  Lappy Jr. is still acting up, so I’ve been hitting one of the computer labs on campus.  However, they charge a damn near usurious 7 cents a page to print, and that’s just for black and white.  I needed to print a couple of sheets in color, and due to Lappy Jr’s shortcomings, I could not do it at home.  So I decided to go into work and make use of the free use of the printer.  And yes, I was hoping to see GSS, much to my ever-loving chagrin.  Although I was also hoping to see The Young Man as well, also to my ever-loving chagrin.  I’ve just gotta make life more complicated, no?

My slightly venal motives unearthed, it is now time for the weirdness.  I get there, and see The Young Man (who, true to form, looked cuter than a red wagon), but no GSS.  Another coworker was there; lately, I’ve been picking up weird vibes.  I no longer trust any vibes I may pick up, as I was convinced (CONVINCED, I TELL YOU) that GSS and I had “vibes,” which, looking back on everything that has transpired this semester, clearly was my mistake.  So, I thought it was my imagination.  But now I don’t know, as the coworker has asked for my contact info and talked about “getting together for coffee.”  If I may get all off-color on you all, “What the fuck?”  Meanwhile, The Young Man didn’t even flirt with me, and didn’t respond to my last Facebook flirtation.  So now I wonder if I imagined that, too.  I mean, what do I have?  Some pretty flimsy evidence, I can tell you that.  I thought I saw him gesture to me in reference to prettiness/smartness.  I thought he always seemed happy to see me.  I thought the whole Facebook thing was a kind of overture.  But I mean, really.  The Young Man is a good deal younger than I am.  And he’s awfully good-looking.  I bet there’s probably dozens of younger (most definitely) and cuter (most likely) women practically hurling themselves at him.  I had better evidence with GSS.  To recap:  I thought he made an effort to talk to me.  I thought those conversations were meaningful/memorable.  I thought he was flirting with me.  And then I gave him my phone number, and that, as we all remember, did not go the way I had anticipated.  But neither did it go altogether badly, either.  If he had been “not interested,” he could have kept me at a distance.  Every time I thought he was avoiding me, I gave him his space.  But then he would come back to me, intiating long conversations, etc.  And then I’d e-mail him, and he’d respond, lickedy-split.  Until he wouldn’t, leaving me wondering, if I may be so repetitive, “What the fuck?”

I can’t take this.  The men of my workplace are giving me 8 kinds of fits.  I may have liked it better when I was deep in my own misery (still wallowing in self-pity after my break-up with the Ex), back in those halcyon days when I hadn’t a notion other than loneliness and despair.  Good times, those.  Or rather, I understood them.

Once upon a time, probably back when I was the Junior Junior.  I used to complain that I was invisible to men.  I longed for the day when men would pay attention to me.  And here that day is, ironically enough, and I want to be invisible again.  I like things I understand.  I understand syntax.  I may even understand phonology.  I understand French.  I do not understand any of what has been going on at work, other than the whole working part.

But what, pray tell, will I have to fill my time over break?

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