Well, after long, tedious days with nothing in particular to do, I returned to my (hated) job yesterday, scrubbed a few toilets, and called it a day.  Today was the first day of my other job (the one with all the action, so to speak), and while there was little for me to do but to catch up with my coworkers and keep reading my book (I answered a question or two and tussled with the printer, so it wasn’t like I didn’t do any work), it was good to get out of the house.  I didn’t expect to see GSS or The Young Man today, so I was pretty giddy to see GSS.  He came over (strictly speaking, he snuck up on me – or tried to, but I was using my peripheral vision to keep tabs on him) and we had a lovely 45 minute chat, which was most enjoyable.  We had to part company, and about a half an hour later, when it was time for me to go (next week, I’ll be speeding off to Morphology, but today, I was just wandering off), I passed by his table to say goodbye, and there was a softness in his speech that was kind of seductive.  As I was leaving, I realized that as much as I bitch about his maddening ambiguity/ambivalence, I play that game too.  There had been a point where I played up how busy I am; it is true that I am busy, but I wonder if I overplayed that too much.  I have, in the past, made a bit of a show how I have little to no time for non-academic frivolities (again, true) to signal that I’m not a high-maintenance woman (which is a matter of some debate, I am sure).  But maybe it signals something else – a “you’re nice to flirt with, but I’m not looking for anything else” vibe.  But while I have enjoyed whatever our interactions have been, I would like to move beyond the conversations and the e-mails.  And I’m not sure I have done that properly.  I know what I’ve intended, but has it come across that way?  I don’t know.  Short of asking him directly (which isn’t going to happen), I won’t know.  I was so nervous about being too obvious that I may have played up the mixed messages, too.

But it was nice seeing him.

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