Since it’s spring and all (and finally feeling like it, at least for a couple more days), they’ve been having various activities on campus to celebrate.  They had free coffee and donuts (missed it – had to work), and I’m pretty sure that was the only one I was interested in.  Today they had a sort of a mini-carnival, and they had a psychic giving free readings.  Of course, I stood in line.

What was she going to say?  “You’re going to be taking a trip?”  That might be nice.  “There is a dark, handsome man who does calculus for fun in your future?”  Hey, no complaints here.  The line creeped forward…and then it was my turn.

I sat down.

“Show me your hands.”  Okay, I hold my palms out.

“First of all, I see a good, strong life line.  You have many good years ahead of you.”  Well, that’s nice, although it seems an unlikely business practice to scare the crap out of someone by saying, “You’re going to be run over by a #16 bus next Tuesday.”  But I digress.  She mostly said that I was strong and open and loving, but sometimes people took advantage of me.  She also said that something happened three to six years ago that changed my personality – that I was stronger, but less open and less gullible, that I was more aggressive and looking out for myself more.  She told me that I was generally in good health, but lately I was not eating well and sleeping poorly (you don’t say).  She also told me that I had lower back problems (you don’t need to be psychic for that – you just need to get a load of my backpack).  She then told me that I was thinking of going back to school or getting some training in my career, and my future was in that.  And that in three to six months, I would need to start taking care of that.


She then asked, “Anything else?”

Well, you know how it is – I am more than a little curious about my love life.  After all, who isn’t?  So I said, “Well, I’m a little curious about my love life.”

She looked at me.  “Look,” she starts, and the very tone of her voice becomes more than a touch ominous, “we’ve had a good reading, and I don’t want to mess it up by talking about your love life.”

“Oh,” I say, more than a little disappointed.

“You’ve been hurt.”  She adds.

And, maybe my dose of Sarcasma was wearing off, because my first thought was, “Ya think?”  But I kept that to myself.  Instead, I thanked her, and went on my merry way.

And, even though I wasn’t going to put much stock into a free 5-minute psychic reading, I was a little disappointed.  I mean really, she was already a little vague – why couldn’t she have thrown me a bone?  So, for fun, I poked holes in everything she told me – the things that seemed accurate, relatively speaking, one could interpret as playing the odds; there weren’t many way off-base remarks, but really, “I was thinking of going back to school?”  Aren’t I already in school?  And I’ve never been the doormat she hinted that I once was.  I think she took a look at me, played the odds and figured I was someone other than I am.  I entreat you, oh friends of mine, what do you think?

And anyway, who ever heard of a psychic with an iPhone?